sorry its been a while but i have been busy. well i wanted to update my last entry. Everything is better now i wrote him a letter telling him how i feel. He is doing good now. i actually feel love now so thats good. well i need to get off here just wanted to update you. Well chow for now

Hey everyone hows it going? Oh well i am ok got a good job, great house, and kids that i love to death. Theres still something missing. LOVE I have it but i dont know if he does. Im starting to wonder. I know that he does love me but i dont know why he dont show it. For instance we use seperate blankets in bed! We dont say goodnight most of the time. The only time we say i love you is on the phone. We dont even talk. Well we talk we just dont have conversations. we have words. Theres no chit chat just gotta go to the doctor friday reply,ok what time 10 and thats the end of the conversation for abut an hour or more. Its weird, i say that we are just likd friends but that aint true either because friends talk to eachother we dont. He dont touch me he dont kiss me he dont say i love you first never does. I am actually scared and i dont know what to do because i need love a women deserves to know that she is loved and i am not feeling any. I know that he has been threw alot but damn so have I. We dont have a normal realationship. He wont even fight with me. He just says i am not going to have this conversation right now and thats the end of it even if i piss him off he still wont.i dont know if he is just not interested anymore of what. I just dont know what to do and i dont want to leave because there may be a chance that he will come around. I hope that he will. I cant stand this. I left a realationship that was better then this one. and thats pretty bad! i got more attention from my husband then i do now. I am scared that i am going to fall out of love with him if something dont happen fast. i have already thought about cheating on him and i realy dont want to do that. I love him too much but i need something other then a cold shoulder. its pretty bad when he spends more time with his dog then me. He makes it a point that when he gets home he comes in puts his stuff down and gets the dogs water and goes out there and plays with him for at least 20 to 30 min a night. but what about me? I am here too. I just want to scream at him HELLO CAN YOU SEE ME DO YOU EVEN KNOW I AM HERE DO YOU EVEN CARE? I feel like everyday a part of my heart is closing up and it will take it a miracle to fix it if it gets hurt anymore. I just about dont care what happens. As long as i have my kids.I cant even talk to him about it. he wont talk to me either. What should i do? Help me please!

Sorry its been a while. I have been realy busy. i have two jobs and they take up most of my day until 6 at night and by then i just want to sit and relax and watch tv. So you probably wont be seeing much of me. I just wanted to show you a couple of pictures i got.

RON MARIAH AND TANYA

THIS IS BRADEN WHO IS RONS SON

There is so much resemblance it aint funny. They are so much alike. In every way. ok well gotta run getting ready for my other job. chow for now.

This is the man of my dreams. He is so sexy had to show everyone these pics. Check out these eyes. Sexy sexy sexy

 

 

 

Hey everyone just wanted to drop in and let you all know that i am ok. I have been realy busy working on unpacking the house. I have everything done but putting away a bunch of clothes. We had to go get the last of my stuff today. that was fun let me tell you. I have barley enough room to do anything with it but i managed. I think that i am done unpacking stuff. I think that i have it looking pretty good. I am satisfied with it. We are doing good in our house. Its been stressfull but we have managed. The bills havent came in yet but we will make do. I dont have my job anymore so that kinda sucks. Im bumbed out over that. I am looking at this in home care place called community connections. i realy want that job that would be great. i guess we will see. ok well gonna go get my kids ready for bed now so i will try to get on and leave a few lines but who knows i may be verybusy. I have to go get my boyfriends son tomorrow and bring him home. He hasnt seen his room yet. We have satalite in all the rooms so i hope that that will make him happy and we also put a playstation in his room too. he is one of those kids that could be on a game all day. i know its crazy but he enjoys it so be it. I just enjoy haveing him here with us. ok well gonna go chow for now.

Hey everyone how is it going. Im good great actuallly. We just spent the first night in my new house. I slept like a baby. I love it. We have got a lot of stuff to put up and clean but its going to be fun. I wish my sister was here so she scould help me she is so good at that kind of stuff. I just wanted to let you all know that i have moved into my new house and i love it. Im so excited. Its the only house that i dont have to work on before i move into it. Its nice. Well im going to get off here so that i can start working on it now. Chow for now

Hey just wanted to tell you guys how my night went. Well my boss and a co-worker and i went to pittsburg to have some fun. We decided to go to a little place called woodys. Its a topless bar where the women dance on the stage and sometimes they come around and give you lap dances. we i was so supprised that i didnt mind being there. I had a lot of fun. I payed to have cody a lap dance. We played some pool and got drunk. I had a good time. Then we went to twisters and had some fun there and danced a little bit but it was too crowded there to even breath. We stayed there until closing and then we headed home. I got home and realized that i forgot to put my sheets  back on my bed so i got to make the bed shitfaced. I feel down like three times and broke my sons diaper wipes box.lol It was so funny i was laughing at myself. I had fun. Well that about sums it up. i hope that you laugh when you read this. I do ok chow for now.

                                                                                                             

                                                                                         

    

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                

            Hello i just wanted to try to put these pictures on here and see how they look. I am going out tonight. We are going to pittsburg to a little place called woodys and then i think that we might go to twisters. Its going to be m, my boss kirk, and cody. We are going to have so much fun. I have been waiting for a week for today. I better have some fun. Ron had to go to topeka for drill so he isnt here. Which realy sucks because i am used to him being here. He called me last night. I think that he misses me just as much he wanted me to call him when i got home last night so i did. He didnt have much to say i think that he just wanted to know that i was on the other end.  To change the subject i woke up this morning to a cold pop spilled on my back and all over the bed at 7 this morn. So i had to wash the sheets and flip the mattress. So that was fun. Ok well i am going to get off here and get some stuff done. Chow for now

                  

 

Hello everyone just wanted to get on here and let everyone know that i am doing good. We are moving into our house on the eighth no later then that. They wanted to know if we would move this weekend but we are both busy. So he sid that  it would be no later then the eighth. I am so excited. the only thing that i have to worry about now is a babysitter. The one that i have doesnt watch kids all the time so she cant be a full babysiter. So i have to find on in ft scott. I know that they will be expensive too. I am not ready for that. It will be ok though. Ron has to go to topeka for the weekend for drill. He has to stay there the whole weekend. I am kinda bumbed out about that. But i am going out saturday night with a couple of guys at work. I am going to have so much fun. It would be better if ron were going to be there but he cant. Maybe when gets we can go somewhere and do something. We will have to see. Ok well just wanted to drop a little note to say hi. Well hi lol gotta run. Chow for now